They say you never know what you’re made of until you are tested. They say you never know who your true friends are until adversity strikes. They say, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

There are all kinds of sage bits of wisdom and quippy sayings about when life gets tough and our intrepid souls are forced into perseverance.

It is June, now, and in a few days a year will have gone by since J and I lost our firstborn son to what doctors call “neonatal death,” but what I like to call “God’s will.” It has been one Hell of a year, to say the least. We’ve dealt with the emotional rollercoaster, seen the sheer ugly insensitivity of people, and then turned right around and seen the amazing and beautiful love people are capable of. We made choices we never thought we’d have to make. We found friends we never thought we’d have. We’ve raged at God, then found ourselves still in church, singing His praise. We’ve lost our hope and somehow felt through the dark until we found it again, different and new.

We’ve been torn apart, seam from seam, and been put back together.

It has not been easy.

  • But I’ve learned that strength is not often seen, but felt, and it resides in everyone, even when we think it doesn’t.
  • I’ve learned that good relationships are too easy to take for granted, when they’re the most important part of life and MUST be nurtured above all else.
  • I’ve also learned that bad relationships aren’t worth wasting your time over.
  • Because we aren’t guaranteed five minutes.
  • And every breath we take is precious.

IMG_3329I’m not at the end of this story, not by a long shot. The ripples left by Michael’s all-to-brief life with us will be felt for a long, long time. And there is much I still have to figure out.

But here at the end of a year, I can see how good has come out of tragedy, rising like a phoenix. I can feel my broken heart and see the healing.

Onward and upward.

4 thoughts on “The Things I’ve Learned in a Year

  1. I have read and watched (thru posts) your incredible journey. You truly are a gifted writer, as well as a musician. I also think of how many moms who have been in your shoes (as well as dads) that could benefit from your posts. Perhaps think about a book or booklet that could be passed on? Just a thought.

    I also have thought of starting a grief group for parents who have lost children. I do a grief support group now but all have lost a spouse of many years. I would only lead and co ordinate as I have not lost a child. I have had many losses, but not a child.

    Did I miss the post as to wheher this new life is a girl or a boy, or is it public information yet?

    1. I have not made a formal announcement online yet.

      There are no plans for a book, I feel that gap is already well covered by others in the same shoes, however, the posts will remain available.

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