I am totally amazed. There have been OVER 350 views on the song I wrote for Michael.

Just let that sink in for a minute.

I, the little, unknown, locally infamous, folkie singer-songwriter who has had a pretty quiet last few years on the performance front has garnered OVER THREE-HUNDRED-AND-FIFTY VIEWS on a quick YouTube video I put together the Friday before my son’s memorial service.

I can hardly believe it.

Not hardly a day goes by where I hear people tell me how much my song or my blog posts here have touched them, or how much it’s helped show them what their friends/family have gone through after the loss of a child. I am humbled.

See, when I wrote “Hole in My Heart,” I wasn’t thinking of anything other than getting all that ugly baggage OFF my chest. I wasn’t thinking about a performance piece, I wasn’t thinking about how others might hear it. I was thinking only how I had all this really intense emotion building up and suffocating me, and how if I could put it into words and music, it would help me breathe again. I wanted to write something for my little boy who loved it when I played guitar and sang. I wanted to write a song that, if God could hear it, he would know how much I loved my boy and how hurt I was at losing him. That’s where “Hole in My Heart” came from. I wrote it for me…

…And apparently others — LOTS of others — are finding solace in it, too.

It feels really weird, sometimes, writing about such a personal topic, but it’s obviously something that is far more common than we’d like to admit, and something that is obviously far less talked about than it should be. And if my writing is helping THIS MANY people cope or understand, then I can’t not…
It would be a disservice to all those who have gone through this terrible trial, or have yet to go through it, and feel they’re alone. They’re not. You’re not.

So please, don’t be shy: if you want to share my blog posts or my video of “Hole in my Heart,” please do. Let’s talk about it. Let’s not keep this bottled up somewhere dark and deep.

Share. Talk. Heal.

You were unexpected, a blessing from above
Two lines of stunned elation, and all I felt was love
I gave to you my body, I gave to you my soul
But at the moment of truth, you left me all alone

CHORUS:
Now there’s a hole in my heart, it’s deeper than the sea
Filled with all the wreckage of the dreams you’ll never see
And though you’re now an angel watching over me
There’s a hole in my heart
That I wish had never been

From day one you changed me and I’ll never be the same
Seeing my innocence vanish the day you came… Ohh….

CHORUS

And I know it wasn’t your fault
It just wasn’t meant to be

CHORUS, 2x

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11 thoughts on “Singing for Michael… and others are listening

  1. that brought tears. Share, Talk, Heal. it is what our grief group is all about. You are helping others talk about it and know they are not alone. I once read that “being listened to is as close to being loved that some do not know the difference” There is power in sharing. God has truly blessed you with a gift of music and writing.

    1. I love that quote, Teeny. So true.

      I met a psychiatrist a few weeks back who was visiting family, and he was saying that the largest portion of his job was just listening to people because they don’t get that in their day-to-day life. It made me really sad. How many major issues could be avoided if we all just took even five minutes to truly listen to what someone was saying?

      Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  2. very very well said. it seems almost taboo to talk about, but it is something we who have gone through it, NEED! I can’t imagine NOT talking about my Ben. It would cause that hole to grow, not to heal. Keeping you in my prayers, still, and forever, Heather.
    Evie

    1. Thanks, Evie. I feel the same way. It’s like it’s a huge disservice to not acknowledge Michael as a person. It’s so, so awkward in situations where people want to know where I’ve been — and the answer is “pregnant” or “maternity leave” — and then not elaborating on what happened. And while I could so very easily pretend the last nine months never happened (especially with strangers), at the same time it just feel so so WRONG, because they did. I *was* pregnant, I *did* have a baby, and he *did* matter. And even as difficult as it is sometimes to talk about the whole situation, I always feel better after I have. 🙂

      Thanks again for stopping by. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, too. 🙂

  3. Good for you, sweet Heather. I find, when sharing things that are personal, more people relate than not. I think that is where the gift of writing truly shines for us, because we are no long entertaining but helping in healing wounds, relating to other people, and expressing sympathy and love.

    K.
    xoxo

  4. Hi!
    We don’t know each other, but I’ve stumbled upon your blog while looking for a guitar review. Somehow I stuck around… I don’t have nearly the experience in songwriting as you do, but I’ve noticed that personal is always universal. We all go through the same emotions and can relate, although the situation may differ… Just wanted to say that you’re doing a beautiful thing here!!

    Lots of love and support, all the way from Belgium
    An
    x

    1. Hi An! Thank you for the lovely compliment and thank you for stopping by and sticking around. 🙂 I hope you find that guitar review you are looking for. I wrote one a while back for my beloved Yamaha APX, so that’s probably how Google shunted you here. If that’s what you’re looking for, you can find it via the archives, or the “Music Notes” category on my Serials page.

  5. This sounds a whole lot like Doria’s story. I’ve listened a bunch of times, with no real plans to stop anytime soon. Thanks for sharing your amazing gift!

    For what it’s worth (and not much), this one takes off because it’s so genuine. It’s just very clear that you’re not looking for anything more than mourning, and the genuineness of it and the stark reality you’re singing about just hit a real nerve.

    Thanks again! Keep it up!

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