(Catch up with Part I)

It’s also possible that my introvert personality is holding me back a bit (you didn’t know that, eh? See, I’m sneaky with my little “extrovert” mask and all). I may be singing like a back-up singer because, subconsciously, I don’t want to “offend” anyone, I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes, I don’t want to put myself out there because then you might actually see ME in all my silliness and then what would I do? Aaahh, the stench of potential rejection!

It could also be habit: the result of playing one too many gigs where I am background music.

It might also be outright fear. See, I don’t have any real formal voice training — I just know how to breathe and I have perfect pitch — and therefore, maybe I’m subconsciously afraid of being seen as a poser. One of my piano students (who happens to be a fabulous, trained singer) mentioned casually she’d like to hear me perform sometime. On the one hand, I was elated, but on the other I was mortified at the thought of her hearing me caterwaul into a microphone. See? Insidious, creeping Fear.

Talk about mind games, eh?

But then, why — when I’m playing an instrument I’m not particularly comfortable playing — do I suddenly become a confident crooner? Has playing an instrument with built-in devil horns tapped into my inner rockstar hooligan, my inner revolutionary? Vive Musica! Or has the electrical current just addled my brain cells?

It’s amazing what one little electric guitar can bring out in a person… Probably why they are the instrument of choice for so many musical genres today.

Either way, I think The Balrog is definitely going to be my Weapon of Mass Musication in the near future (where I am booked for my original music, mind you — I think Sparrow the Acoustic still rules on the Celtic and background music fronts). If simply picking up this Instrument of Rock forces me out of my shell enough to belt it, then it is obviously what I need to go from background to foreground. And I think we can all agree that to be any good at this little thing called ‘Performance Arts,’ one cannot spend their career standing in the wings.


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