I play music in my free (ha!) time, as entertainment for me and also for others. There’s a jam night I go to once a month in the local brew/pub/restaurant/bookstore, and I’m getting ready to play with some buddies in the upcoming Celtic show at the end of the month.

Sadly — and understandably! — my husband, who is always extremely supportive of my hobbies, no longer feels comfortable attending my jam sessions and other musical engagements because he is constantly accosted by others wanting to know why he isn’t playing because, “well, isn’t that your wife playing over there?”

He can’t go five minutes without being harangued. To the point he can’t even enjoy the show.

We are individuals. Yes, we are married, and yes, we did decide to spend our entire lives together. But again: we are individuals. I have my hobbies, and he has his. Granted, a lot of our hobbies mesh: motorcycles, Cowboy Action, Sci-fi/Fantasy, cats, tastes in movies, etc. Granted, we are rarely seen apart outside of work, and often could be considered “joined at the hip,” but just because he loves woodworking and iron-crafting, does that mean I do too?

Just because I enjoy performing music, does that mean he does too?

I am my ownself.

And he deserves the same sort of autonomy.


7 thoughts on “i am my ownself

  1. This is what I’ve always imagined healthy marriages to be like – I think it’s AWESOME that you each get to be your own selves without being possessive of each others hobbies and past-times. I feel that if you can’t retain some autonomy and individuality in a relationship, well, then something’s wrong. Relationships aren’t about stifling one another.

    Also – OMG, you play Celtic music?! What do you play? And have you, as a fan of fantasy, read any of Charles de Lint’s books? Because now I’m totally picturing you as one of his fabulous characters ^_^.

    1. It’s very nice, and I agree — healthy relationships should be this way. Neither of us gets frustrated or irritated by the other if one of us asks for some ‘alone’ time to pursue our own things. Just not a big deal. And it’s kind of fun being the others’ cheering section… 🙂

      Yep, guilty as charged, re: the Celtic music. 🙂 Hehe. I play the Irish wood flute. You can read about it on my “Hobbies” page, listed in the footer. 🙂

  2. First, I think it is spectacular that you play a gig every month, and it’s even more spectacular that you play Celtic. Also, it surprises me that people would think because you play that your husband has to play! That is just silly. You’re one hundred percent right when you say you’re individuals and should be treated as such.

    1. Isn’t it just silly? The first time it happened I just goggled. Couldn’t believe it. And then, it kept happening! Whenever I’d look up, someone else would be asking him questions. Crazy.

      I enjoy playing. It’s been really nice to do it for fun, on my terms… I don’t miss the pressure of class, or doing it under a schedule… It’s just nice to get out and play some. 🙂


  3. I agree and think that such diversity enriches both of your lives. I and my Husband are very different too. He’s the musician in our team, but sometimes I sing with him. In terms of the piano, he’s wonderful and I gave up years ago. He’s a computer programmer methodical perfectionist in planning, logical and habitual problem solver. I’m a fantasy writer, dyslexic with numbers, always in search of how to cause more problems for my characters and habitually make it all up as I go. He’s Star Trek and Star Wars – I’m LotR and Alf. He was an Honor roll A student – I hated homework, rushed at the last minute and was fine with C’s, as long as I got freetime to write and read. But since we got married, he’s learned tons about writing and I’ve learned bunches about business management, economics and accounting – those sort of things I would have never touched with a 10ft pvc pipe. Sometimes he runs with “geeks” and I run wild with half-crazed writers who hear voices in their heads and romanticize the dark ages. There’s just no comparison – nor should there be. But there is no one in this world I trust more than him – no one who knows me better or who I love more.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s